Story of my life

Ok so a few days ago I thought it might be a good idea to get the mail. This is not something I do very often because really its at the back of my apartment and I rarely ever get fun mail, and seriously who really likes to open bills. Anyways I got the mail, and I opened something that turned out to be a collection agency notice. Now I know what your thinking: if she doesn't open her bills maybe this isn't so odd maybe she doesn't pay them either. I pay all my bills I just do everything online, so the paper statement is just a waste of my time. Ok so back to the story. I open up the bill or notice or whatever the fuck you want to call it and its for (and not I'm not joking here) 8 dollars from the Chicago Sun Times. First off doesn't it cost more to try to collect 8 dollars then the stupid 8 dollars is worth in the first place. Its 8 dollars for gods sake. Second and that which I suppose is the more important point, I never signed up to receive the Chicago Sun Times cause I kind of think its a crappy new paper. That and I really don't read the newspaper.

So here's what happened. I was sitting at home minding my own business watching the TV or some such shit, someone came to my door. I got up an answered my door, only because my you can see right into my living room so its hard to pretend that your not there. I knew it wasn't someone I knew because my friends all have keys. Ok so its a guy from the American Heart association, looking for donations. Normally I would just say no, but for some retarded reason I gave the guy ten dollars. Apparently for this donation I was suppose to receive the Chicago Sun Times on Sunday for like a month or something as a FREE trial. I never actually received this free paper mind you. Never got a one. I didn't sign anything either, but I was given a donation receipt. So a few months later someone calls me from the Sun Times seeing how I was enjoying the Sunday paper. I told him I was not enjoying anything at all because I never actually got the paper. I believe his words were something like "oh really" and then bye.

A few weeks later I received something from the Sun Times which needless to say I threw out. I kept receiving them though so eventually I opened one, and it was a bill for like 2 dollars. Which I then proceeded to throw away because I already talked to the guy and told him I never got the paper, and we all know that I really don't like to call people. So imagine my surprise when I got this collection agency notice in the mail. Now I have to tell them my side of the story in writing. All this for 8 damn dollars which I'm not going to pay on principal. This is just stupid. Who does this happen to. Moral of this very ridiculous story don't donate money to people.

New Toys

As it turns out my new favorite thing is not one of my Christmas presents as you might expect, thought I do really like all my Christmas presents. My new favorite thing is the drill I used to put up one of my Christmas presents. See I decided I wanted a coat rack for Christmas. Now normally I just throw my forty pound winter coat on the couch, but see that doesn't leave much room for people to sit on it. So in a effort to be a little nicer to potential guests, and to really not have my apartment look a hot mess all the damn time, I decided on a coat rack.

Now the coat rack is not nearly as fun as the putting up of it was. I didn't really know how to use this screw gun drill thing. But as you know I'm a quick learner, and I didn't have to put a security deposit down on my apartment, so I don't really care what it looks like when I move. The drilling was really so much fun. I've decided I need lots of tools, and I need to build things lots of things. Right now, the drill was so much fun, that I think I need to build myself a dresser. I know this is completely unreasonable, but I don't care. I don't really think that there is much drilling needed in building dresser, however I really need a dresser, and I want to play with tools. The sad, sad news is that the drill was not a Christmas present, and I have to give it back to my mom. If only I knew how much fun it could be I would have asked for one myself, but alas there is always next year. It will have to go away to the sad place, outside of my home, with the air gun I had to give up today. Its a hard knock life I know. Now I only need to find something to use my socket wrench set on because that is actually mine. Thanks to M. Someday, Someday I will build. For now I must go look for more things to drill before I have to give my fun toy back.

The Birds

Ok seriously there is just nothing normal left about my job. Yesterday I went to work at the very normal hour of 3pm. Which as you can believe I was wicked excited about. I walk in and go out on the floor, and my co-worker calls me up to the second floor to see our pet pigeon. I'm a little confused mind you, but as it turns out there is not a joke to be had here. There are really three pigeons in our store. One on the second floor and two on the first floor. Apparently they came in while people were doing shipment at 6am. I was thinking maybe the just flew in with both sets of doors open. But no that would make to much sense. They actually walked right in. We know this because they actually have them on camera just walking in. Not really sure where the person was who was suppose to be standing at the back door. I thought the whole thing was kinda funny myself, but apparently we have quite a few people in the store who are afraid of pigeons. That was even more funny if you ask me. Most of the time you didn't even know they were there, but occasionally they would fly around and cause some commotion. One almost landed on my head. Funny thing about that was that the two people I was talking to were kind of freaking out and I tottally forgot that the pigeon was there. I was kind of confused about why there was a sudden wind behind my head, but apparently that was the pigeon.
So animal control was called, but they couldn't come out until after the store closed. Only problem with that is that we close at 10pm and animal control closes at 9:30pm. Not that they bothered to tell us this until it was 11pm and we had been waiting for them for hours. In fact they actually told us they were going to be there at ten. I don't know why they bothered to tell us that, but whatever not my problem as I'm not the first person on the alarm call list. When everyone left the floor to go home I guess they started flying around like crazy it was super funny. There was dust everywhere. Also not my problem as I dont' work today.

My friends are morons!!!

Ok I do know that it is highly likely that I don't have any friends after writing that, but seriously it can't go with out saying any longer. Its not that I don't still love them, as they know that I do. Ok so here's the story of said Friday morning/afternoon while I was getting ready for to go to work:

So I get out of bed at a rather late hour of the day. Just wanting a little woo-shaa time to myself before I go to work. So I go into my kitchen to make some tea, and my slippers stick to the damn floor. I mean my big ass frog head slippers are soooooo stuck to the floor that they actually come off my feet. The first thought through my very tired brain is What the fuck. Second thought a very loud one: "I'm going to fucking kill him" Then "who the hell makes this kind of mess and doesn't fucking clean it up." Back story: my friend Hans came over the night before. I thought he was drinking beer mind you, but he must have made himself a Whiskey 7. Though I didn't actually ever see the bottle of 7up, the evidence of its existence was all over my kitchen.
Now if you know anything about me you know A. I'm not a big fan of cleaning, and B. I don't like anyone in my kitchen because I'm anal retentive. So when you make a huge mess in my kitchen and leave it I'm more than a little pissed off. M says H wouldn't have noticed it. To which I respond unless you were blind I don't know how you could have missed it. There is pop all over my floor, all over the sink, the counters, the dishwasher, the cabinets, its even on my hamburg buns and on my damn bananas. I mopped the floor 3 times until I ran out of swifter cleaning stuff. Now I'm going to have to wash it by hand which really irritates me.
mad as not only do i not have any Now the reason H was over in the first place was to bring me my vacuum. Finally, as its been in MN for the past 7 months. I don't know why I thought to do this, but I wanted to check and see if I need vacuum bags or not. So I can vacuum my nasty floor. Well I open the vacuum and this cat hair and shit comes out of it. As there is no bag in it. Ok now I'm just about rageingvacuum bags, but now I have a bigger mess than I started with, and I'm not entirely sure the vacuum will even still work. Still talking to M online line I say "Who the fuck used my damn vacuum" and her ass just starts laughing. Cause apparently the were out of vacuum bags at her house and B decided to use my vacuum instead. Apparently the thought that no one has used the vacuum in months, and the thought that the last time I used it was to clean the apartment didn't cross her mind as she was vacuuming. M was laughing because apparently the vacuum was making crazy amounts of noise while she was using it. Good lord I love you B but seriously how did the thought not cross your mind to check and make sure it had a bag. Actually its not that hard because it has a clear-ish red front and you can tell if there is a bag in there or not. Well at least you could before the inside was all full of shit. Seriously what the fuck. Thats all I can really say.

I hate the world!

Thats right I hate the world. After working 24 hours in two days this weekend all I can say about the people I share this world with is I fucking hate you all. Ok well maybe not all of you per say but the vast majority of people. A few notes on things you should not do during the holiday season.

1. Do not take a last mintue Jet trip to see all your flag ship stores because you are the new president of the company the fucking week before Christmas. Do not do this on a Sunday, and most of all do not decied not to fucking come to the store after everyone has worked forever to make everything fucking perfect. Which mind you is not easy the week before Christmas.
2. Seriously if you are shopping the week before Christmas and you are trying to by a very common size, and you can't seem to find it; do not tear the damn table etc. apart looking for something that is not there. Ask for help Damn it turns out thats what they pay us for. And don't get pissed off when we don't have something. It seriously is not my damn fault you waited till the last mintue to do your damn shopping.
   
3. Don't bitch about long lines when in honesty they aren't nearly as long as some lines you will be waiting in. Its fucking Christmas and you are shopping downtown what the hell did you expect, that you were the only one who thought of that. Quit bitching when we are using all 25 register to get you through the line as fast as possible.
   
4. I really don't know what size your 8 year old niece or newphew wears, so don't ask me to figure it out for you. And if you do ask me have some damn information, not I need something for an 8 year old but I haven't seen him/her in over a year so I don't know what he/she looks like. Well wait one second well I bust out my damn crystal ball so I can figure out what you were to stupid to ask for before you went shopping.
5. I also don't know what the child you are buying for will think is cool. I don't have any kids, and i'm not 8,9,10 ,11 etc. I'm 27 and as it turns out what I like and what they like are tottally different.
   
6. If your kid is 13 or older please get out of the damn kids department. Turst me its very likely that the clothes are going to fit, and they aren't going to like them anyways. I know the fleece is only five dollars, but at some point they will get sick of the same thing every year.
7. If I tell you how kids sizes translate into adult sizes don't argue with me. This is what they pay me to know. Not to mention the fact that I can actually wear both, so I know. They overlap. I'm not trying to fuck with you because it is really in my best interest that you don't return the shit, but please do it your way because I can't wait to see your dumb ass again in January.
   
8. If you are my boss and I have just come in at 9am after working till 1am the previous night/same day. The first words out of your mouth damn well better not be "I'm going to need you to put on a hat (stupid fucking santa hat mind you). If you are lucky I will throw my keys at you and leave if you are unlucky you mind find yourself with a set of keys shoved so far up your ass that they are stuck in your throat. Seriously can a I get a goodmorning. Thanks for working your ass off when I was not will to do the same. Because if you were so damn stressed about the visit why were only two of us closing. I didn't see your ass here till 1am.
   
9. If you do not want to work, don't get a fucking job. At work people generally expect for you to do something. I understand you are too stupid to be able to get a job where they will pay you more than 8 dollars and hour, but honestly I'm only asking you to fold shit which isn't that hard. It would be nice if you could help out the customers, however for the time being I can manage to do that myself, if only you could fold some damn shirts.
10. If you are salary instead of hourly I'm going to need you to work more than me. Doesn't matter if I get overtime because you STILL get paid more than me. If they wanted you to only work 40 hours aweek you would have my job. So quit fucking bitching about having to work a few extra hours. Don't assume just because I get paid OT that I want to work 12 hour day more that you do.
11. You should know that we really don't want to be open later during the holidays. So get off your lazy ass and go shopping a little earlier in the day so we can fucking go home. You really don't need a sweater at 10pm at night. It really can not possibly be the only time you have to do your shopping.
    
12. IF you do happen to shop later at night, don't assume we really want to help you. We will because we are forced to but I assure you we would prefer to stick needles in our eyes. So please find what you need with out bitching or making a bigger mess then is already there.
    
13. I understand that things get messy but honestly I'm not the one who tore up the damn table. I'm not the one who throws shit on the floor. I'll do the best I can to make sure it gets cleaned up, but instead of getting mad at me get mad at your fellow shopper who clearly thinks they are the only shopper in the world.
14. Do not send me an email for all my hardwork. I did work hard some I'm going to need you to make a little more effort to say thank you. Not a whole lot the words to my face will do. Because honestly and email sent to everyone is just a bunch of bull shit. I made the effort to do the extra work I'm going to need you to make the effort to say thank you.
15. Lastly do not christmas shop with kids. And if you feel the need to please watch your damn kids because that is not my job. It is not fun to throw balls down the escaltor, to throw clothes on the floor, and run all over the place. Get some control. Pay attention to them, do not let them wander away, so we can all freak out about where the hell they are.
    

Ok so normally I don't mind Christmas so much but this year has sucked monkey balls. Turns out lots of people think its fun to shop downtown Chicago at christmas. Till then I will spend all my time thinking its only seven more days, its only six more days. God help me I'm not really sure I will make it without killing someone.

Perks of a big city flagship

Now I know what your thinking can there really be any perks to working in a huge retail store during the Christmas season? Well I didn't think so either but it turns out there really can be. Yesterday we got to be one of three store to participate in a shopping event for 100 kids from the boys and girls club. That in itself was really quite fun, but in addition this year they had celebrity guest for the kids. Our celebrity was A.J. Pierzynski. If you don't know who he is clearly you don't live in Chicago or watch baseball at all, and you are definitly not a southsider. For those of you who still don't get it he is the catcher for The White Sox. Also he is H's very most favorite player. He is one of my most favorite players because he likes to stir up trouble, because he is good at what he does, and because Twins fans hate him sooo much.
All the bajillion managers had to be in charge of something, and my job was to be in charge of the cash register where the kids would check out i.e. I got to hold all the money. Not actually money but the cards the kids got to use, which was stressful enough in itself mind you. Also I had to punch holes in the lanyards the kids were wearing so that I would know who recieved there cards. About an hour into the event they brought A.J. behind the registers to meet all of us who were back there, and to take pictures etc. which mind you was a great deal of fun. Only problem was that I was still trying to make sure the kids got checked out. It was all kinds of crazyness. A.J. wanted to wear our fabulous headsets, but my boss didn't really seem to like the idea of me giving him mine. Anyways I did get my picture taken with him, and it actually is a decent picture of me. Many of you know how I feel about pictures. I will post it when I got to my mom's house and scan it into the computer since it is was taken with a polariod. I'm not sure how it will turn out but I'm super excite. I'm going to try and blow up the picture so H can have a copy as I know how excited he will be to have it.
On the down side I do have a huge bruise on my hand from trying to punch holes in the kids lanyards, and a blood blister on my finger because it kept pinching it. I didn't get my picture signed like everyone else though because I was a little busy with the kids. Its a hard knock life I know. The kids did seem to have a good time which I guess is whats really important. We kept having to send kids back though to spend more money. That was really fun. Some had a really hard time spending that much money which was really sweet. All an all not a bad days work.

Maybe I don't need a (Red) Ipod

Ok so i've been thinking about my desire to have a (red) Ipod, and I still really want one, but its becoming clear that I may need a few other things more than I need the Ipod. So as you all know it is all the sudden cold as hell and it snowed lots. Well as I walked to work on day one of the snow storm I thought while walking along: hey this is way better to walk in that it was to drive in. I can enjoy the beautiy that is the snow on the very first day that it snows while walking to work. This lasted about half of the way to work when I realized that my new boots were getting ruin because all the damn slush that had yet to have been shoveled. Though my mood was definitly lighted when I saw a women in four inch heeled boots shoveling her steps. Complete with dress capris and everything. Because apparently on here would someone not actually go inside and change into something a little more snow apporiate. It was very amusing, could have been better if she would have fallen.
Ok so day after the snow storm, and I'm already crabby to start with because its cold as hell. As you've read I'm sure cold as hell outside means I pretty much don't want to get out of bed inside because my apartment is cold as hell, so now i'm also running late for work. Now this time I don't wear my boots, but just a loafer type of shoe. Which is probably one of three pairs of shoes that I can wear outside to walk in, in the snow. SO i'm trying to walk fast which is clearly not working because apparently, with the exception of the lady in the four in heels, no one likes to shovel sidewalks in this city. So naturally I fall on the last patch of ice before the train. Now besides feeling like an ass because I fell my knee hurts so bad that I can hardly walk. Then while walking home the same day I free my ass off again because I have already lost one of each of my two pairs of gloves, and I can't find my old hat and my new hat blows.
SO I guess the moral of the story here is that I need Uggs for Christmas instead of the (Red) Ipod. Just think you will be investing in my warmth. And I'm pretty sure I can fit the kids ones and those will be way cheaper.
I really want a (red) Ipod and a pair of boots for Christmas, but I don't really suppose anyone is going to buy me either one of those things. I guess I will spring for the boots eventually, and forget about the Ipod.

My day off

Ok so today I buckled down and finished the preparing of my cold ass apartment for the winter. I finished putting plastic on my windows, since I had to take a break since I broke my hairdryer last time. This was actually way more fun than it was the first time, and all because of a fun little tool that my dad let me have called a heat gun. I'm pretty sure by have I mean borrow as I'm guessing he is going to make me give the fun tool back. It actually looks just like a blow dryer except it is really really hot. I'm tottally considering trying to blow dry my hair with it since it worked so well on the window plastic, but my dad assures me that it is not a good plan. However I'm kind of getting tired of trying to dry my hair with a luke warm hairdryer. I know I could go out and buy a new one but I kind of feel like being all Tim Allenish and trying to dry my hair with more power.
In addition to this window plastic that I put up, I finished sealing all my doors with that sticky foam stuff. I went through like three roles of that shit trying to seal up all the cracks. Now I can't really get my doors open and closed well with out pushin really hard, so will see how long this lasts. Then I thought if everyone puts blankets up to keep the cold air in mabye if I put blankets over my doors it will keep some of the cold air out. So I pinned up blankets over both my doors. I'm not really sure how this is going to work with going in and out of them, but I'm really fucking cold so i'll pretty much try anything at this point. Plus if you only open the door like ten inches it does work out so bad. The blankets are not quite long enough to make it to the floor so I might have get something else to put at the bottom of the doors. Though this was all really good fun I assure you, I'm also quite sure that if the people that owned this place just got new windows and doors that weren't 40 years old things would be a whole lot easier for me.
I know what your thinking that was already a very productive day for me, but alas I didn't stop there. Then I cleaned the kitchen. I mean I REALLY clean the kitchen. I even washed the floors. I know that in itself is shocking, but then I cleaned the bathroom. Let me tell you I was starting to wonder why I paid more money for a shower curtain that wasn't supppose to get moldy, since my seemed to look a little moldy as of late. Turns out you just have to wipe it off who knew. Seriously who knew. Now its like new. Which is sweet because even though I can't really see without my glasses, and generally don't take a shower with my glasses on, I was starting to be able to see the mold in my shower. An really does one feel clean take a shower with mold so close to oneself. No but you'd be surprise how long one can live with it.
All thats left is my living room which I can't really clean because H won't bring me my Damn VACUUM back. There are you happy H I spelled vacuum right for you. I love that you forget you are almost as bad of a speller as I am.

Things that irratate me about my apartment.

First and formost of the things that irratate me about my apartment is it's temp. I swear its colder in here that it is outside. No normally this wouldn't matter so much, but recently upon getting my gas bill I was a bit confused. I'm suppose to have electric heat mind you, but my electric bill stayed 15ish dollars and now my gass bill is 70 dollars up from 2osomething. I'm not really sure what the hell I use so much gas for except the gas stove. Which i do understand is not automatic lighting but seriously it can't be 70 dollars worth of gas. I am left to assume that I actually have gas heat and not electric heat. Not that I would be able to tell the difference myself mind you. Bottom line it is always cold in my apartment and I'm paying a small fortune for it to be 60 degress (which yes is the current temp. setting). I'm a little nervous about that though because it really hasn't even gotten cold yet. I mean it is cold and on any given day you will hear me bitching about that, but its not really cold like below zero cold yet.
The next thing I hate about my apartment is it never really seems to be clean. Now I know what your thinking that is really my fault but I assure you it is not. I've never really wanted to vacum in my life as it is my least favorite cleaning chore. Among many cleaning things that I hate. But since I have the basement apartment it tracks everything inside. I have leaves and shit all over. The problem is that I dont' have a vacum because I never really use a vacum, and because the eight million times H has come here from MN he has forgotten to bring my vacum every damn time.
The carpet is not really the least clean thing in my apartment. I've actually thought of hiring someone to clean this apartment. I could live with just someone to clean the kitchen since it turns out I really don't like to do that either. I do have a dishwasher which should in theory make things easier, but then you have to put things in, and eventually take them out again. Still work that I don't really want to do.
I don't care so much about the dust, but its possible that the runny noise does care. I do care about the million and a half dead spiders that seem to be everywhere. Another good reason to have a vacum.
SO if anyone out there feels the need to clean and can't find themselves something better to do, I offer up my apartmen to you, and to all you know who wish to clean for free or for ten dollars.

Humor

I know most people won't find much homor in my story here but I do and quite frankly I'm all that counts. Ok I'm not but its not like anyones paying me money to read this. Anyways my car if finally falling apart. Now for those of you who know this is really not a huge problem for me per say as I don't really drive my car anyways. However my poor brother who has had the car for a very short amount of driving time seems to have nothing but problems with. Most people think I'm kind of crazy when I start to feel like my car is going to fall apart, but clearly this time I am not. Though I did talk really nicely to my car, in order for it to forgive me all the beating I had to give it in order for the gages on the dashboard to keep working. See it has a bit of an electrical problem. Currently the windows won't close and the hear won't work. Which does kind of make for a cold traveling experience for my brother.
I do kind of feel bad, but not terribliy bad because its really kind of funny when its not happening to you. I probably feel worse in fact for not feeling bad than bad that the car is a fucked up mess. I'm not the only one to have this type of problem with the intrepid. As apparently the electrical system sucks.
Now I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if the heater didn't work and the windows wouldn't close if it were say July, but its kind of cold out and doens't really stop raining here as of late. Because of course it couldn't be the AC that doesn't work in october it has to be the heat. Its all kind of funny if you ask me, but I know my brother doesn't really find it has funny. Though he tottally would if it was happening to me or my sister. Well maybe just if it was happening to my sister cause everyone likes me best. Ok I joke they do not like me best. Though I do not know why as I am awesome.
Other things of note:
Number of times I have been called baby at work so far this week=0 but I've only work two days and one of them was an overnight inventory.
Number of times I've been told I have a nice ass in someway shape or form this week at work=1 not really work apporiate to talk about my ass but its seems to be topic of too many conversations as its is quite the anomily.
Number of time I've been whisled at while going to the store to buy jeans that actually migth fit over my ass=1.
Number of dollars in my bank account=19
Number of dollars I've spent anyways= far to much to add.
Number of times I almost threw my keys at someone at work for being a bitch=1.
Number of blonde wigs I've tried on today=10

Questions and such.

Ok so recently I've been thinking to myself about the world of dating. I'm sure to getting some interesting comments since oh all of my readers are married. Well unless you are a reader who doesn't post in which case speak up I tire quickly of hearing from the same people.
Anyways so the question on the table is when did the second date become the sex date. I mean I thought it was always the third date. I just ask this because I have had a few dates recently where it seems that the guys I've gone out with seem to think that the second date is the sex date. Now I'm not a prude or anything. But by the second date I not even really sure that I remember a persons last name.
I do understand that its not always necessary to remember a persons last name, but I'm not talking about a one night stand. Since this is a second date it should not be a one night stand. As a one night stand does not require more than one night, nor does it even require a date.
Anyways the second date does imply more than a one night stand, but it shouldn't really imply sex. I'm talking about a real date with someone you don't really know. I can see how if you've known the person for ever and decided to date that might be different. I know most guys are all about sex, but seriously don't they get that to push too soon is not a good thing, and probably will get you the opposite of what you want.

RED

Alright so for those of you who do not know yet. (Product) RED launched in the US last week on the 13th. For those of you in this fine windy city who still haven't heard about it, I'm really going to need you to crawl out from under the rock that you've been living under. I say this because the Launch for the US was on Michigan Ave. It was on Oprah, on the new, and all over the newspaper. It was on four full pages in the New York Times. This is a pretty big deal. Click on the banner at the top of my blog and join (Product) RED. The short version of the story is that buying (RED) Products from the companies working together and part of the profits goes to help fight AIDS in Africa. Its a new business model to give back. I could go on and on, but it would make more sense to just click on the banner and read yourself. I will however tell you the companies involved so far, and then you might not wonder why I know so much about it. American Express gives 1% of the money you spend. Motorola makes red cell phones. GAP, Emporio Armani, Converse all make lines of clothing and accessories where some of the profits go to fight AIDS in Africa. Apple recently join and now you can buy (RED) Ipods. Alright well go to the (RED) website, read the RED (BLOG), and buy Red (PRODUCTS).

I'm going to loose my job when I punch someone it the face.

No this has not acutally happened yet, but at this point I'm sure its just a matter of time. I think I will acctually end up punching a customer in the face to be honest. I'm pretty sure it won't be any of my "kids" though that is not to say they don't make me want to hit them. They tend to be funny enough sometimes to make me resist the temtation. The customers however do not. A deep loathing for all mankind that you truely can not understand unless you have to continually come into contact with the worlds stupidest people. Everday I actually loose more and more hope for the whole of all mankind. But surprisingly enough these are not the people I want to punch in the face either.

The second group of people who I want to punch in the face are those people who tell me what to do. Not that I mind reporting to people because I really don't. Ok lets not lie I don't like reporting to anyone unless I have a problem, but I will do it. What I do mind is those few co-workers who tell me what to do, who have the same job I do, and are not better at their job than I am. Those and also the people who have been in the store since the begining of time, who think their way is the only right way. There really is just one of both these types of people that I work with, but either of them at any given moment makes me want to punch them in the face. I suppose the reasons why they drive me crazy will be for another post, because like the first group of people I don't think I would actually ever punch either of these two in the face.

The third group are also customers, who think its ever ok to call me baby. I never really knew how much of a problem this could be until I started working downtown. But seriously its gone beyond ridiculous. If one more person walks by me and say "damn baby", or any form of the word baby comes out of their mouth in regards to me I'm actually going to loose my damn mind. And If I loose my mind I'm going to punch someone in the face. Seriously I even get hit on by the pretend homeless people who sit on the side of the street. Apparently I have forgotten to tell all the world how hot begging is. Again I wish I was making this up, but I'm really not. So my announcement to all the crazy people in the world is Please for the love of God just stop calling me baby. I am not your baby, I am not anyones baby. And as soon as that word comes out of someones mouth I have an overwhelming urge to punch them in the face. I fear that I'm loosing my ablitiy to control this urge, and I might actually breakdown and punch someone soon. Its tottally excited to put on my resume: reason for leaving last job "well I punched someone in the face, but it wasn't my fault they called me baby."

Blog rules and assorted other fun things.

Hello to all. I recently sent this blog site out to a few more people. And Now I've decied to have blog rules. Mostly there is just one. Don't call me and complain about being offended by things I write. Please post comments so all can know if I offend. That will makes things way more fun for all. And if I do offend try to remember its meant to be funny. Well at least I think I'm funny. Maybe you can even start a support group for all those I offend and you can then bitch about me.
I must now tell you about the best thing I've found in the world, or at least the best thing for today. I was looking through my insurance information trying to figure out what doctors etc. I can go to. Now if you know me, you might know that making doctors appointments or any appointments at all, really not my strong suit. I don't know why picking up the phone seems so hard for me, but really it appears to be really hard. This is why I miss T so much, well among other reason, T was always responsible for making any and all appointments that I needed made. It was wonderful, but clearly I digress. So I REALLY need to go to the eye doctor as I can't really see even with my glasses. That and since I'm so delicate with things, they are completely bent up. In fac the last time I tried to get them fixed, the people were like well we can try but we can only do soooo much. Then they asked what the hell I did to them because I guess they are kind of twisted or something I don't know. Well that was like a year ago so you can imagine what they look like now.
So I found a eye doctor in my plan with a website (I was thinking I could look for new glasses online before I went to the store, turns out I couldn't do that). On the website you could make an appointment. It was so easy I didn't have to call anyone. And they emailed me when excatly my appointment was. It was sweet. I then tried to find a doctor where I could do the same thing and was unsuccessful. Then I decieded that doctors should just cold call people and see if they need appoinments because I'd tottally be done for that. Ok maybe I'm just a little lazy I don't know.

This ones for my mom.

Ok my mom has started making this super cute keychain type things. They are really a fun accessory that you can hang on your jeans or purse or pretty much whatever you want. I just thought that I would let you all know about them being the good daughter that I am. Here is the website that she is currently selling them on. This is an example but I will also post a picture of them on here. She makes each one by hand and they are all different. The one in the picture is made of glass beads but she also makes them with plastic beads for kids. Well I just thought I would put them out there for you all to see. I can tell you how to contact her if you are interested. Ok well that is it for now. I post something funny later.

birds of a feather

So I went home tuesday night after work so that I could get my hair done on wed. I thought I would go kick my nieces ass for getting suspended from school for three days. I mean come on she is not even in high school yet and school just started. But alas when I got there to kick her ass it turned out that the fight was not hurt fault. Some chick punched her in the face from the side. I then did what would come natural to one such as myself, and proceeded to ask if she kicked the girls ass. She did not. In fact she got her ass kicked because apparently the girl clocked her from the side, and then she couldn't see. I guess that is kind of sucky.
While I was at her house, around the time I was getting ready to leave. I was playing with my sisters bird. I was actually quite amazed that she was actually not freaking out at me like she noramlly does. Its an african gray, named dolly. So I was playing with it, then the fucking bird bit me in the nose. I link a picture (Just learned to do that right now) so you could see how big of a bird it is to contextualize the bite. I then threw the bird across the room, not because I was angry, but because the damn thing was still attached to my nose. Let me just tell you that you shouldn't really stick your nose anywhere near a bird. My damn nose hurts sooo bad. Its like cut and bruised when is annoying because it itches then I scratch it and it hurts because its bruised. Seriously I wish I was making this up, but I not really that creative.
So the moral here is, ok well really there is no moral my noise just fucking hurts like crazy. Seriously who do these things happen too.

Ok so I was taking a little break

Alright so I inadvertently took off the whole month of august. As Gonzo mentioned though I am not without things to bitch about. Currently I'm having some trouble sleeping I think, cause I'm tired all the time. Well that and I wake up all tangled up in my sheets, with my comforter and pillows on the floor. Its really all very confusing and at the same time annoying because I am sleeping but only kind of. I also wake up and my body hurts like I overworked it or something. I don't know what is going on in my dream world, but clearly I'm trying to kill someone because the sounds like something I might do. It is really very odd though.
Ok well I really have nothing exciting to talk about at the moment. I can think of things to write when I'm not writing but not so much when I am. I did spent some time playing with my new camera program for my computer today and that was kind of fun. I made us cartoons. Well that was fun I also made us coloring books.
Also I learned how to upload them on my blog. I know you are all super excited. Though I haven't really figured out what to do with them once I get them here. Oh well. I always wanted to be a cartoon. I'm guessing this is as close as I will ever get. Well I do have around 500 pictures from the Seattle trip so Maybe I will do a Seattle picture speacial. Most likely I will not. Well I'm going to finish making dinner, so I can't stop eating panda express everyday at work.

what drink I am

You Are a Martini

There's no other way to say it: you're a total lush. You hold your liquor well, and you hold a lot of it!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

Things you don't want to know about the people you work with!!!!

I know all of you out there have been the victum of this sort of sad sad perdicament. It starts inacently enought with a couple of co-workers talking about why someone needed to be fired. Then one of these said co-workers go well because of what went on at this person (who was fired) house she can no longer look at some employees in the face. Now being the kind of person I am I really want to know, but I know that it is not in my best interest to know. Then the co-worker confirms that you really don't want to know.
I really wish this was good enough for me but it wasn't. But I do try. I go back out on the floor to kill my last half hour of work. So I walk up to my floor and begin talking to another co-worker. I was getting ready to leave so I was probably telling her well honestly who knows what I was telling her and who cares it what comes after that counts. SO I say to her don't you hate when someone tells you they know something that you don't know, and you know you don't want to know, but its really just killing you not to know.
This current co-worker gets super excited to know what I don't know. She is actually almost giddy. Trying to figure out the newest bit of store gossip. So I tell her about the above converstaion with the first co-worker. To which she responds by saying, "you don't know that everyone knows that even HR" Ok so not only am I way out of the loop for information that I REALLY don't want to know, but now this co-worker is not going to shut before I know what is going on.
So now I'm going to share with all of you what I learned that I really would have been better off not knowing. Turns out there is a girl on the floor that I work on (who I honestly couldn't stand to start with) who fucked three guys that also work in our store at one time. Then later did the same thing in the fired employee's hot tub with two other people and one more guy from the first time. All five of the guys work in our store, and one of them is like twice her age. Apparently there were no condoms involved. And on top of all this fablous informatioin I get to learn what the girl who was actaully slutty enough to fuck three guys she worked with twice, had to say. One came real quick, one wasn't packing, and one rocked her world.
Are you fucking kidding me. Apparently lots of people are fucking, and they are not kidding me about it. And for the record these are all people who do have to report to me at some points in there day. ICK ICK ICK now I can't look six people I work with in the face either. Sometimes it really is better not to know things. Damn me and my needing to know things.

What is wrong with this world

Ok Tenley this is all for you ok
So I have decied what I hate most (ok well today anyways), I hate the stupid motherfuckers on the L that don't move all the way down the isle to let more people on the train. Seriously there are many many thinks about L riding that irratate me, but this has got to take the cake. I'm not a big fan of cramming onto the train. I'm not a huge fan of people touching my on the train in any way shape or form. I don't like the men who haven't yet figured out what the appropriate amount of cologne is. I certianly don't like whoever is responsible for the piss smell on the train. I don't like it when there are super scary crazy people on the train. But seriously how hard is it to move down the damn isle.
Here's the thing. I'm on the red line today on my way home from work, and I was actually standing in the isle. And there is not one but two jackass men that think it is comepletly ok to watch everyone try to cram into the train, or as the case is during rush hour wait for the next train becasue they are two retarded to move in. I really don't know what it is at all. Its like they can't figure out that the handles build into the damn seats are for them to hold onto while their standing there. Its total rudeness. Today a guy who couldn't get on the train because of one of these said Jackass' actually knocked on the window and not so politly asked the guy to move down. The dude still didn't move. In fact later on an older women had to completely push him to the side to get into the open space he was refusing to use.
I really just don't understand at all. Mostly because I've been victum to the hell that it is to be in the cramed crowd by the doors. Where if your me you actually have to look at the ceiling to breathe semi-normal air. I really don't get it is there no train rules anymore. Seriously. There are just somethings people must obide by on the train.
They are easy and simple. first get the fuck up if you are 35 or younger for anyone who appears to be older than you. Or at the very least attempt to get and let them decied. This goes double for men cause seriously it just does. second move into the damn empt space so others can get on the train. Its just the way it is. Then if you want to try to avoid smelling at all that would be good took, but I figure it is highly unlikely that the smelly people are at home reading my blog on the internet.

Things I've learned!!!!!!!!!

I know what your all thinking well all four of you that read my blog anyways. Littlebmouse actually learned something. Well not as much as you might think but still little things. For example at work we have a new Ghetto word of the day. Now I am not the one who came up with this term, but it none the less started because this suburban white girl has no idea what the people I work with are talking about all the time. Now since I believe what they say is funny or it would be funny if I knew what they were saying I like to ask what the hell they are talking about. This all started when this girl I worked with said I was all making fun of her "on the low" This apparently means something like on the downlow, or as in I don't appear like I would make fun of people (see what kind of trouble people get in when they think I should act the way I look). The reason however she didn't say on the downlow is because apparently "on the downlow" now means your gay but don't want people to know. These things are good to know on the off chance that I use that saying I don't want to be saying the wrong thing.
Today I heard that I have a short body. I know your thinking well how is that something new being that i'm only five feet tall. But this actually has nothing to do with my height, but has to do with my shape. It all started with a discusion over why we have mens low rise jeans. Most men are afraid of the lowrise. I know this cause I asked how they fit and all the guys were like I don't know about the whole low rise thing. To which I responded wouldn't it be nice if some women felt the same way. To which I was asked if I wore lowrise jean which for those of you who can't figure out I do not as they will not cover what should be coverd. I had to explain this in messurements i.e. that I have a 26 inch waist but 38inch hips. And that if they fit my waist I can not actually get them over my hips to get them on. This is when I learned I had a short body. And no he was not hitting on me or anything for a change. But he could tell I had no idea what he was talking about. But heres what I learned before it got a little uncomfortable. This is the best kind of body to have, and it has something to do with a short body Cadillac and that being like the king of cars. I not being a big fan of the Cady have no idea what a short body Cady is so I will have to find out more from my fellow managers. Who will all laugh at me for not knowing what I'm talking about. Unles one of the four of you reading this knows what the hell they are talking about. I'm sure it has something to do with my ass (sorry Ohn if you are reading this), as everything in that place seems too.
Well I just spilled wine on my couch so I should go clean that up. wow took me a whole month thats pretty impressive..

There's a mouse in my shoe

So I wake up and get ready for work. As I'm getting ready for work and staring into my closet of shoes trying to find a pair that I can run around in for 9 hours that won't give me blisters. So I pick a pair of brown flats I was wearing them everyday but I don't think I've worn them for awhile. Anyways I try to put them on but there is something stuck in the toe.
Now here is the point where I have a flash back to the previous morning where while I was getting out of the shower I saw something crawling across the floor. Now this might not seem like much to the average lay person however to me who can not see for shit without her glasses starts freaking out. The reason why is I think it must be REALLY big if I can see it crawling in the hallway without my glasses. Of course me being that I don't get up early enough to do anything besides roll out of bed and take a shower I don't have time for finding something like glasses that I won't need in the shower anyways. So needless to say I have to half rap my towel around me and tip toe to my bedroom quickly as the bug from hell is not just large its damn fast too. Now if you would have seen my reaction to the super huge damn fast bug from hell you would have known that it was comming after me, and really who knows what if might have done once it found me. But in my steathness I managed to find my glasses and return to the scence.
Turns out to be a damn centipide which might actually be the grossest bug in the world. I might actually hate it more than spiders. Now I have to find a shoe but all I can find is a flip flop. The flip flop doesn't work but of course I remember in the nick of time that I have bug spray. I try that and of course as i'm spraying it it runs under the stove. Now normally this would be kind of a problem for me but since they were comming to replace my stove that same day I just decided to let them deal with the bug from hell.
But back to the shoe. So needless to say I'm a little freaked out from the previous morning, but alas I'm late for work so I need to figure out whats in my shoe. So I brave the unknown and stick my hand inside the shoe to pull out what is inside. I am prepared to freak out about whatever is in there so I use the pull fast and drop method. It works well, but as I drop to the floor I gasp. There is a mouse in my shoe. Then I just start laughing. The reason why is, it is not a real mouse but a cat toy from the cats that played so happily under my bed at my previous dwelling. Crisis averted until the following day where I got my pants stuck in the esculator.
Yeah so who seriously who listened to there mom when she was yelling at them to pick up there feet when they get off the esculator because clearly it wasn't me. I really thought who does such a thing happen too. Now I still seriously whats wrong with me, because who the hell gets their pants stuck in an esculator. Clearly ME. No worries though it didn't suck me in or rip my pants. It was all very quick and rather painless. My legs are still all attached. I will walk on into another day to see what horror awaits me.

Moveings ins

Alright fine I'll try something a little more upbeat this time. Since no one was willing to touch the last posting. For the record though by the title of my blog no one really should have big thinking I was going to be all sunshine and lollypops. Moving into my new apartment has been quite interesting. I'm not really completly moved in yet as I don't really have my clothes and shoes. This I must say is super sad but alas they will come with time I suppose. Things to note though it is super cool in my apartment when it is 92 outside and I don't have to turn the AC on. The AC I wasn't suppose to have but apparently I do. No complaints there. I have a gas stove again woohoo though it seems to be a little on the hot side temp wise, and its like a mini stove. Right now I still think its kind of cute we will see what I think when I try to make bread. It is slightly damp in here though I learn tonight upon making my roastbeef that if I turn the oven on the dampness goes away quite quick. On a not so good note there does seem to be something of a spider problem. Now if you are reading my blog and know me you will understand that this is slightly more than a minor problem for me. I have had to kill four spiders since I moved in and I just moved in on Sunday night (the only spider free day). For the record its only wed., and I'm not counting the daddylong leggs that I killed in my bathroom. I did go out and buy some inscet killer which I am hopeing to spray at every point of entry I can think of. I really hope that works cause I really don't like things that crawl. I must now stop as I'm having a bit of an itching attack. And feel the need to search my room for unwanted guest before going to sleep tonight.

Bobby pin infestation

So I was packing my apartment so that I can get ready to move and every where I turned there were bobby pins. They were in drawers, under things, inholes and cracks. Funny thing about this is I hardly ever wear bobby pins, and when I do I usually take them out and put them on my dresser. I really don't understand wear they are all comming from. I think they are staging a take over of my whole apartment. They must like to have sex a lot too because they've mutilplied to more than I have ever purchased in my entire lifetime. Watch out because I think they are going to take over the world. And they are so small that we will never realize whats going on until its to late to do anything about it. Be very weary. The invasion is comming to a home near you.

Liquid Crack

I really am starting to think that I seriously addicted to Caribou coffee or Starbucks depending on which is close at any given moment. The bad part about this is I really can't afford to spend five dollars a day on coffee. I even stopped eating out while at work to say money. Anyways everyday while I'm on lunch its like Caribou (its whats closest to work) just won't stop calling me over to get some coffee. In all honesty this addicition started when I started doing training doing three nights a week at work. These nights I NEED the coffee because its always a toss up as to how tedious the training is going to be (since our training is participation based and sometimes people don 't like to participate). Without the coffee it is incridibly hard to make it through the days where no one wants to paritcipate. It just happens to be that if I don't start off with the coffee people seem to want to paricipate less. I think this is all a secret plot to getting me addicted to the liquid crack they sell. I know it is because melissa the girl i'm training to do the training for the store when i'm gone has also taken to drinking the caribou when she is training too. Anyways I think I'm going to have to check myself into C.A. so break my self of the addiction. Otherwise I should invent that and make lots of money so i can just afford to buy lots of coffee. See its like the brainwash you.

what color my text should be

Alright well in typical brandi style I want my blog to look the way I want it to look, but I really don't know how I want it to look.
I tried reading the help thing to about my Template (And Yes Dr G. I actually read it) but I really didn't understand much of it. Well I did actually understand the articles just not the template computery script that says what my template is.
Anyways I think I like my background the way I have it now. But I want my text a fun color..
As some of my other colors were a little hard to read I had to re-publish my posts (see I did figure out how to do that).
So heres where you all come in... Now I really don't know how many "you are" other than Dr. G and Susan. But anyways I was thinking you all could vote on my text color. Ok thats it these half days of work this week are really giving me too much time on my hands.
Hopefully none of these turn out too hard to read. I did figure out that the bright dark colors are a little difficult.
Well let me know which one you like.

Being lazy

Ok i'm not really sure how this whole thing works but oh well if anyone actually reads this they will just have to deal with it. I figure that if I write on my blog all my annoyances then I don't have to keep re-telling all of them. And since i have a lot of them I should have tons to write about. This is really just a theory we will see how it turns out in the end.

Ok so as most of you know I have an amazing ablity to be hugely lazy. This issue has reached the extreme as of late. Mostly since meg and bets. moved back to Chicago. So pretty much its all their fault. I have a hard time understand my lazyness aspects because they really only relate to my home life so to speak. While I'm at work I always do twice as much as others, but at home I can't really even seem to do half as much as others. And some of the things I can't get up the engery or the will to do are so stupid because they would take like literally five seconds. Case in point:

When I got home from work Saturday I was just chilling on the couch watching some Six Feet Under. I probably went to bed early as I had to work at 7am and for those of you who don't know that means I have to get up at 5am becuase I live like a bajillion miles away from where I work. Anyways before I went to bed I made the decision that it was just too much work to plug in my cell phone.

Two things that are important about this are that my cell phone, though it is super cute, will not hold a charge for more than five minutes (which in the real world = 1day), and second is that I knew I was going to work at both of my jobs that day. That would mean my cell phone would not have been plugged in for two days. And Though it will actually still be "on" its not actually function as more than I time telling device because as soon as I would try to use it, it will die.

Anyways at like 930ish I was on my way home from work, in the sleating, snowing, raining mess of a night that it was, and of course my phone ringings. So I answer it, and on the other end is Nick my best friend, who I haven't talked to since December, who is in Iraq, who everytime he calls I miss his phone calls because I'm working, who I didn't even get to say goodbye to before he left because I missed the damn phone call because I was working.

Oh and big surprise as soon as I pick the phone up I start hearing that little noise that makes me want to snap my phone in half and throw it out the window. Needless to say I only got to use it for about five minutes. At which time it died and instead on snapping it in half and throwing it out the window I had to settle for beating it on the steering wheel of my car. Only because if I did break the phone and throw it out the window I would have to buy a new phone, and in the lazyness that is me who knows how long it would take me to go out and do that.

On the plus side I have been insuring to plug in my phone everynight before I go to bed. But it really has only been two days so my new commitment hasn't really been tested.