Somedays I'm tired of being me.

I'm pretty sure that I have a pinched nerve in my back. Normally I wouldn't think this is such a big deal, just average run of the mill life for me. However it seems to be underneath my shoulder blade, and it feels like something is stabbing me in the chest.
Its ungodly painful, and I would go to the hospital except that there is really nothing they can do to help me. I actually heard gun shots out my window (no worries they weren't that close) about five minutes ago, and it hurts so bad that I'm like should I call the police, ahh then I would have to get up. I know I know I'm a bad person, but in my defense I have no idea where they came from so really what would I tell the police anyways.
Its a good thing everyone has stopped reading this since I'm pretty sure they'd be stuck more on the gun shots then my back pain. But me I think I almost can't stand how much it hurts. I mean literally I almost couldn't walk anymore. Which kind of sucks because walking is kind of my life.. I'm really getting sick of this shit I tell you. I'm pretty sure this is the last straw in the laziness of my life. I'm geared up to workout. Even though I think its the working out that might have caused this in the first place. All I need now is someone to kick me in the ass and make sure I do my shit. Any takers. I promise to be a huge bitch because well lets face it I just can't help it. Oh wait no one really reads this anymore do they, crap I knew I should have been a better blogger. Damn me I'm doomed.

Use your words please

You remeber way way back in the day went you were first learning how to talk, or maybe when you were teaching your own kids to speak? You or maybe your parents would say use you words. please use your words.
Well I think now is as good a time as any to go back to that old saying. I say to you all know please for the love of God and al that is holy use your fucking words. Seriously I think there is going to be a whole generation of people speaking in letters. OMG, WTF. NVM, l8tr. Do we really need to be quite that lazy. Its bad enough when I have to read them in text messages, but when I have to hear OMG 26 times a day its starts to make me a little crazy.
I kind of wonder what english class is like these days. Do we even have english anymore? and if so is anyone passing. I miss words that's all im saying, well that and that I don't understand what the fuck you are saying.

I do not heart oatmeal.

I just thought that you all should know I really don't like oatmeal. Oatmeal is suppose to lower cholesterol though, so I've been eating it. Really though this whole thing sucks, and I'm pretty sure it's not going to work anyways. I did talk to a different nurse from my doctors office and learned that not only is my bad cholesterol high but my good cholesterol is very high too. Shocking since this is what runs in my family. Things are not really suppose to happen this way as one prevents heart disease and the other causes it, but whatever I still don't really understand any of this. They say if I my bad cholesterol doesn't go down on its own then they will put me on drugs for it. Not really sure I want that either.
So far however I've succeeded in basically eating more fruits and vegetables. Oh mom would be so proud. Turns out I really like oranges, so I've eaten at least two oranges ever day for the past week. Also have eaten more salads etc. I also learned that I like tuna. No not the tuna that comes in a can. Real Ahi Tuna that still looks like fish. Though I only ate it raw in sushi, turns out I like sushi too as long as there is no Salmon, cause raw Salmon still tastes like Salmon.
This tuna shit is really good actually, and well the nurse said I should eat more fish. I guess no I can because I now like a fish.
I still don't heart oatmeal though. I'm pretty sure I never will. I'm eating it though well shit its only breakfast right, I can still like my other two meals a day.

This is bullshit day one.

Recently I had the joy of learning that my cholesterol is a lovely 270. Now word on the street is that's really bad for my age and size. Now Im not overweight, though I could probably take off about 10 to 15 pounds and be Ok. That would bring me to about 115 120 so since Im not a midget that would be a perfectly acceptable weight. I digress a bit though because cholesterol for me has nothing to do with my weight.
Over the past years I quit smoking, stopped eating fast food, and started eating more meals a day instead of over eating. Basically I kind of pissed that now they want me to quit doing even more things. No red meat, little to no dairy, no butter or oil, no mayo, and lets face it the list goes on and on.
Things Im allowed to eat fruit, vegetables, and turkey burgers. I find the turkey burger funny as he'll because the are actually higher in fat than a normal burger. And am I really the only one that wonders what they have to do to turkey to give it a ground beef texture. Turkey is not ground beef and shouldn't be forced to try to be. My new plan is to blog about my journey to lower my cholesterol. Oh good news part two Im suppose to work out everyday. I really don't see this going very well. Im not good at forced behavioral changes. That and I didn't really eat that bad in the first place. Though maybe I could stand to eat more fruit and vegetables. UGH this kind of blows.

Complete and udder maddness

Everyday there is a new article in the paper about the women who had octuplets. The first story doesn't start out so bad. Then you learn that she already has six kids at home, the youngest a set of twins that are two years old. That same day you learn that the women is only 33 which is madness in and of itself. Her oldest child only 7. The next day you find out that the women is not nor has she ever been married, and still lives at home with her parents. Lives at home with her parents who say she has been obssessed with having childern since she was a teenager. Of course the crazy lady thinks she is going to be able to breast feed all eight babies. And she is still in schoold getting a master degree in you guessed it child physcology. Now someone wants to pay her money to write a book. She has 14 childern she has no time for a book. Apparently she does have money to hire a publiscist which is completely normal.
Now we all know I'm not one to judge. If you want to have 14 kids that is your God given right. I will tottally call you stupid as that is my God given right. However if you can naturally have 14 babies, and you wish to then so be it. But if you are going to have 14 babies artifically and your still living at home with mommy and daddy, and your not married thats is just insanity. Even worse are the parents who are supporting their crazy ass daughter. I mean to take care of the babies is one thing but the bitch is fucking nuts. And who is paying for all these fertility treatments, seroiusly. I almost can't take it. What the hell kind of doctor would let something like this happen in the first place. Its just too much to take.
Shocking really, I think that if I came home with baby and asked my parents to take care of it they would think I was fucking nuts, but 14 good lord.

I'm done

Why is it that so many people can not accept this statement. I'm done I'm tired of pretending. I don't want whatever it is that your are currently offering, and whatever it is we had it the past is done.
Why is it that people can't say this for themselves and have to go on pretend that things can be what they never really were in to start with. Why is it that the same people who can not say these things for themselves keep looking down on me, so to speak, for being able to. I'm just so damn sick and tired of it. For my own piece of mind I never completely done till its been over for a long time. Relationships friendships whatever they are all basically the same.
You can love people who are not good for you. You can have friendships that last 10, 15, 20 years but do not last a lifetime. People can change, you can change. Then you can just not fit into each others lives anymore.
Maybe one of you just refuses to keep playing a part you just don't want to play anymore. You've given everything you have in you to give and you just can't take it anymore. Maybe the friendship existed inside of such a tight bubble that once the enviroment all the relationships in side that bubble changed to. Some of them grew stronger, some stayed similar, some could not be repaired. Sometimes it doesn't matter what happened, and sometimes it does.
I wish people would understand that when I say I'm done I'm done. I'm done with the relationship as it is. I have no desire to pretend we can go back to the way it was. Once you start looking forward you can never go back. If you'd like to move forward I might be interested in giving that a try, but I didn't say I was done for no reason. I can accept responsiblity for my failures, but I assure you I'm not the only one to blame. For me to say I'm done means I've already tired to make things work to the best of my ablity. I've accepted responsiblity where I'm capable of doing so, but no longer am able to take blame for things I have no part in. I will not apologize for something that I didn't do. Someday we all have to look in the mirror, and accept responsiblity for our own failings. I've done my part. I've done all I can do. If you choose, or have choosen to not do your, then to you I say I'm done. I'm tired, and I just won't take it anymore. And to those who don't choose the same thats already its your choice to make and I understand, just leave me out of it.